In retrospect: A decade of peanut butter sandwiches
Feb. 17 is a big day for me: it marks my tenth year of motherhood. Our culture celebrates children’s birthdays with theme parties and elaborate birthday cakes, balloons, gifts, goody bags . . . but I contend that at least a little attention should be given to the parents who brought this amazing and unique individual into the world and who have managed to keep him or her alive and in fairly good condition year after year.
So while I could be marveling at my talented, funny, squirrelly firstborn son, I’m thinking instead about myself and some of the things I’ve learned after 10 years and three children.
1. It’s good enough to be good enough. I had hopes for myself as a Super Mom: the one who organizes elaborate art projects and nature walks, fills their days with educational outings and teaches her offspring to read by the age of four. The one who always speaks in a melodious tone, never loses her temper, never serves cold cereal for supper. Let’s just say I’m not Super Mom. But you know what? Maybe I’m not raising wunderkinds, but they’ve turned out to be generally well-adjusted, intelligent, friendly creatures, so I can’t be doing all that badly.
2. I can’t protect my children from everything. My firstborn initiated me into the world of abject fear for a child’s life. (He was the one for whom we had to buy a toilet lock.) And all of my kids experienced social turmoil (“You’re not my friend!”) by the time they were in preschool. As strong as my protective instincts are, I recognize that kids need to take risks and negotiate the societal jungle so they can develop proper shielding and learn from their mistakes. We can’t guard them from every scraped elbow or unkind school chum, so sometimes it’s best to back off and just be available to apply band-aids (real and figurative) when needed.
3. Routine equals good. Strict schedules equal not so much.
4. During my pregnancy days, I got all hyped up on natural childbirth. Looking back, it’s what I did to nurture and bond with my babies in the weeks and months (and years) that followed that really made a difference. Breastfeeding was probably the best parenting decision I made for my infants.
5. I am not my kids’ playmate. I’m baffled by parents who spend hours playing make-believe with their kids, or who feel like every day should be as full and fun and programmed as summer camp. Having fun as a family is essential, but kids need to learn to entertain themselves and each other. I am not a cruise director; that’s why I gave them siblings.
6. No matter how badly we need bread, nothing is worth the agony of taking a tired and/or hungry child shopping.
7. Everybody needs a pajama day. Snow days, vacation days, Saturdays, whenever—my family loves “pajama days.” These are the days when our normal routine is happily chucked out the window. We eat when we’re hungry (popcorn for lunch anyone?) and get dressed only if we feel like it. Chores and housework, television and computer time limits are all ignored. It’s lovely.
8. We have to pick our battles. We allow our son to go to church barefoot. In January. People think we’re insane, but I figure he’s old enough to know if his feet are cold, and if he doesn’t care and if it gets him to church without arguments, it’s worth it.
9. Kids love rituals and traditions. This can mean reading together at bedtime, wrestling times with Daddy, going camping every Labor Day, or Sunday dinner at Grandma’s. Kids find security, love, and pleasure in knowing what to expect and in being part of the ritual and their unique family story.
10. This, too, shall pass. This is my mantra for difficult stages and moments. It applies to sleepless nights, potty training misery, homework woes, and the child who refuses to eat pasta.
Of course, now that I’ve listed 10 things, I find that I could easily list 10 more. I realize this list is nothing earth-shattering. These aren’t major revelations: just simple, everyday life with kids. Sometimes I feel frustrated that I’ve spent the last 10 years shaping my life around the whims and needs of my children. But I would never have it otherwise.
Happy birthday, Sunshine.
For a free booklet, Elf Help For Being a Good Parent, write to Another Way, Box 22, Harrisonburg, VA 22803 or e-mail at melodied@thirdwaymedia.org.
Write to Melodie Davis, Another Way, Box 22, Harrisonburg, VA 22802 or e-mail melodie@mennomedia.org. (Include the name of your paper in your response.)
You can also visit Another Way on the Web at http://www.thirdway.com.
Melodie Davis is the author of nine books and has written Another Way since 1987. She is also the producer and cohost of Shaping Families radio program airing nationally.
So while I could be marveling at my talented, funny, squirrelly firstborn son, I’m thinking instead about myself and some of the things I’ve learned after 10 years and three children.
1. It’s good enough to be good enough. I had hopes for myself as a Super Mom: the one who organizes elaborate art projects and nature walks, fills their days with educational outings and teaches her offspring to read by the age of four. The one who always speaks in a melodious tone, never loses her temper, never serves cold cereal for supper. Let’s just say I’m not Super Mom. But you know what? Maybe I’m not raising wunderkinds, but they’ve turned out to be generally well-adjusted, intelligent, friendly creatures, so I can’t be doing all that badly.
2. I can’t protect my children from everything. My firstborn initiated me into the world of abject fear for a child’s life. (He was the one for whom we had to buy a toilet lock.) And all of my kids experienced social turmoil (“You’re not my friend!”) by the time they were in preschool. As strong as my protective instincts are, I recognize that kids need to take risks and negotiate the societal jungle so they can develop proper shielding and learn from their mistakes. We can’t guard them from every scraped elbow or unkind school chum, so sometimes it’s best to back off and just be available to apply band-aids (real and figurative) when needed.
3. Routine equals good. Strict schedules equal not so much.
4. During my pregnancy days, I got all hyped up on natural childbirth. Looking back, it’s what I did to nurture and bond with my babies in the weeks and months (and years) that followed that really made a difference. Breastfeeding was probably the best parenting decision I made for my infants.
5. I am not my kids’ playmate. I’m baffled by parents who spend hours playing make-believe with their kids, or who feel like every day should be as full and fun and programmed as summer camp. Having fun as a family is essential, but kids need to learn to entertain themselves and each other. I am not a cruise director; that’s why I gave them siblings.
6. No matter how badly we need bread, nothing is worth the agony of taking a tired and/or hungry child shopping.
7. Everybody needs a pajama day. Snow days, vacation days, Saturdays, whenever—my family loves “pajama days.” These are the days when our normal routine is happily chucked out the window. We eat when we’re hungry (popcorn for lunch anyone?) and get dressed only if we feel like it. Chores and housework, television and computer time limits are all ignored. It’s lovely.
8. We have to pick our battles. We allow our son to go to church barefoot. In January. People think we’re insane, but I figure he’s old enough to know if his feet are cold, and if he doesn’t care and if it gets him to church without arguments, it’s worth it.
9. Kids love rituals and traditions. This can mean reading together at bedtime, wrestling times with Daddy, going camping every Labor Day, or Sunday dinner at Grandma’s. Kids find security, love, and pleasure in knowing what to expect and in being part of the ritual and their unique family story.
10. This, too, shall pass. This is my mantra for difficult stages and moments. It applies to sleepless nights, potty training misery, homework woes, and the child who refuses to eat pasta.
Of course, now that I’ve listed 10 things, I find that I could easily list 10 more. I realize this list is nothing earth-shattering. These aren’t major revelations: just simple, everyday life with kids. Sometimes I feel frustrated that I’ve spent the last 10 years shaping my life around the whims and needs of my children. But I would never have it otherwise.
Happy birthday, Sunshine.
For a free booklet, Elf Help For Being a Good Parent, write to Another Way, Box 22, Harrisonburg, VA 22803 or e-mail at melodied@thirdwaymedia.org.
Write to Melodie Davis, Another Way, Box 22, Harrisonburg, VA 22802 or e-mail melodie@mennomedia.org. (Include the name of your paper in your response.)
You can also visit Another Way on the Web at http://www.thirdway.com.
Melodie Davis is the author of nine books and has written Another Way since 1987. She is also the producer and cohost of Shaping Families radio program airing nationally.
Published: February 10, 2011
