Understanding autism
I tend to write about things that I, or my family, have personally experienced, but since I have little experience with autism, I have never written about it or the families and individuals dealing with it in its many varied manifestations. I will attempt to remedy that with this column, but forgive my ignorance and educate me if I err.
Along with an explosion in the number of diagnoses (accurate or inaccurate), comes an explosion of books, websites and magazine articles on the topic. Recently I had the opportunity to interview two mothers who struggle with the autism of their children, as a part of a short series for our Shaping Families radio program. Even from a distance, I can’t help but offer my utmost admiration and prayers for any family dealing with autism. I still don’t know much technically about the various ways autism presents itself, or the diagnosis, treatment(s) and research in the field, but even hearing the experiences of two women can help all of us have more awareness of the issues and needs.
LaWanda has a 10-year-old son who has autism and also has the gift of creating beautiful paintings. And I’m not talking about stuff only a mother could love—some really outstanding cityscapes that have won some awards. But LaWanda could win some awards herself for the way she has stood by, loved and reared her son under some pretty trying experiences as a single mom.
To start off, he was a large baby, and stayed big through his first year. She said that when he was one, he actually looked like he was three. “So imagine taking this child in a customer line and you’ve been there about 30 minutes too long and he’s cranky and starts to act the way a tired 1 year old would act. I would get stares [implying] ‘He’s just spoiled’ or ‘Why don’t you discipline him?’ People wouldn’t say it, but you knew what the stares were.”
Her son also was frightened by loud noises like rain on a roof or a thunderstorm, so if they were in a store and it began to rain, he simply wouldn’t go outside to get in their car.
One time she left a store after such a meltdown and carried him to the car and one woman followed her in her car. LaWanda pulled over, put her hazard lights on, and could see it was the woman from the store. LaWanda motioned for her to go around. Instead, the woman stopped her car. LaWanda got out and went over and, very angry herself, asked the woman, “What is the problem? Did you think I was mistreating my child? Stop harassing and following me!”
The woman just looked at her, stunned. So LaWanda continued, “It would have been different if you would have asked me, ‘Is there something that I can do to help you?’ I told her, ‘My child has autism.’ She said ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t know.’ I said, ‘Well, how could you have known. You don’t know me. You don’t know the circumstances, or anything. So how could you know what was really going on?’”
LaWanda says if you see a situation that really concerns you, you could say, “Is there something that I can do that will help you?” That gives the parent the option of saying no, I’m fine or however they wish to respond to you. On the other hand, LaWanda has had people follow her and tell her, “I just wanted you to know you are doing a wonderful job and keep up the good work. I know that it is hard, but you are very calm and patient.”
Another mother, Karen, has a son who is just five. His main difficulty is with speech and language development, and he was transfixed by television from a very early age. He did not try to figure out how to play with toys or interact with them naturally as most children do. Since she later had another son, she and her husband work to make sure the needs of both children are met or addressed, and has found help and solidarity by becoming part of a support group. Both Karen and LaWanda have found church attendance with their sons very trying; children with autism frequently find it difficult to adjust to church nursery care for a variety of reasons. Education about the needs and various issues across the spectrum of issues that people with autism have can be a beginning point toward understanding, including in churches.
LaWanda and Karen’s insight could apply to anyone raising a child who has special needs. I know that I have a lot more to learn about ways to be helpful and what not to do.
To listen to these radio programs or read the transcripts with my interviews with Karen and LaWanda, go to http://www.ShapingFamilies.com where you’ll find links to other helpful resources on autism. And for a free booklet, write for Dealing with Autism as a Family to Another Way, Box 22, Harrisonburg, VA 22803 or email melodied@mennomedia.org.
Another Way is a column from Third Way Media by Melodie Davis. She is the author of nine books, most recently Whatever Happened to Dinner and has written Another Way since 1987. She is also the producer and co-host of Shaping Families radio program (shapingfamilies.com) airing nationally.
Along with an explosion in the number of diagnoses (accurate or inaccurate), comes an explosion of books, websites and magazine articles on the topic. Recently I had the opportunity to interview two mothers who struggle with the autism of their children, as a part of a short series for our Shaping Families radio program. Even from a distance, I can’t help but offer my utmost admiration and prayers for any family dealing with autism. I still don’t know much technically about the various ways autism presents itself, or the diagnosis, treatment(s) and research in the field, but even hearing the experiences of two women can help all of us have more awareness of the issues and needs.
LaWanda has a 10-year-old son who has autism and also has the gift of creating beautiful paintings. And I’m not talking about stuff only a mother could love—some really outstanding cityscapes that have won some awards. But LaWanda could win some awards herself for the way she has stood by, loved and reared her son under some pretty trying experiences as a single mom.
To start off, he was a large baby, and stayed big through his first year. She said that when he was one, he actually looked like he was three. “So imagine taking this child in a customer line and you’ve been there about 30 minutes too long and he’s cranky and starts to act the way a tired 1 year old would act. I would get stares [implying] ‘He’s just spoiled’ or ‘Why don’t you discipline him?’ People wouldn’t say it, but you knew what the stares were.”
Her son also was frightened by loud noises like rain on a roof or a thunderstorm, so if they were in a store and it began to rain, he simply wouldn’t go outside to get in their car.
One time she left a store after such a meltdown and carried him to the car and one woman followed her in her car. LaWanda pulled over, put her hazard lights on, and could see it was the woman from the store. LaWanda motioned for her to go around. Instead, the woman stopped her car. LaWanda got out and went over and, very angry herself, asked the woman, “What is the problem? Did you think I was mistreating my child? Stop harassing and following me!”
The woman just looked at her, stunned. So LaWanda continued, “It would have been different if you would have asked me, ‘Is there something that I can do to help you?’ I told her, ‘My child has autism.’ She said ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t know.’ I said, ‘Well, how could you have known. You don’t know me. You don’t know the circumstances, or anything. So how could you know what was really going on?’”
LaWanda says if you see a situation that really concerns you, you could say, “Is there something that I can do that will help you?” That gives the parent the option of saying no, I’m fine or however they wish to respond to you. On the other hand, LaWanda has had people follow her and tell her, “I just wanted you to know you are doing a wonderful job and keep up the good work. I know that it is hard, but you are very calm and patient.”
Another mother, Karen, has a son who is just five. His main difficulty is with speech and language development, and he was transfixed by television from a very early age. He did not try to figure out how to play with toys or interact with them naturally as most children do. Since she later had another son, she and her husband work to make sure the needs of both children are met or addressed, and has found help and solidarity by becoming part of a support group. Both Karen and LaWanda have found church attendance with their sons very trying; children with autism frequently find it difficult to adjust to church nursery care for a variety of reasons. Education about the needs and various issues across the spectrum of issues that people with autism have can be a beginning point toward understanding, including in churches.
LaWanda and Karen’s insight could apply to anyone raising a child who has special needs. I know that I have a lot more to learn about ways to be helpful and what not to do.
To listen to these radio programs or read the transcripts with my interviews with Karen and LaWanda, go to http://www.ShapingFamilies.com where you’ll find links to other helpful resources on autism. And for a free booklet, write for Dealing with Autism as a Family to Another Way, Box 22, Harrisonburg, VA 22803 or email melodied@mennomedia.org.
Another Way is a column from Third Way Media by Melodie Davis. She is the author of nine books, most recently Whatever Happened to Dinner and has written Another Way since 1987. She is also the producer and co-host of Shaping Families radio program (shapingfamilies.com) airing nationally.
Published: August 22, 2011
