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Death seems unfair because we spend our lives building loving relationships

This Feb. 16 will mark seven years since my brother, my only sibling, passed away. Instead of dealing with his death, I like to keep the memories buried away somewhere in the depths of my brain where hopefully they will stay suppressed. I know thatís not the proper way of dealing with losing someone you love, but unfortunately thatís what Iíve done.

Even with my human and Christian mind I donít understand death. From my perspective it seems very unfair.

I already know some of you who are reading this are thinking, ďYou just need to trust the Lord. God is in control. God has a plan. Well thatís easy enough to say, but if Iím honest, I didnít really find that comforting when my brother passed away.

Naturally I asked God some tough questions at that time, and I firmly believe God was OK with that because Iím his son. My own son Hank questions me sometimes about things I do or say, and he should. I donít mind that my son is curious about why I say something or what motivates me to do what I do. But do I owe my son answers? Does God owe me answers? No, and God made that pretty clear to Job and his buddies when they questioned him. God ended up lighting them up pretty well.

My faith and trust in God aside, Iíll explain why, in my human thinking, I feel death seems unfair. Death seems unfair to me because we spend our lives building loving relationships that will inevitably end in sorrow. We build relationships with the people in the families we are born into, the families we marry into and the families we create ourselves. We build friendships and other relationships along the way as we live our lives. We come to love one another and depend on one another.

Any good and lasting relationship has taken a lot of work and effort to create and maintain. In the end all of these relationships will end because of death. Then after you lose someone, you never get over it completely. You canít; itís impossible.

Death leaves an unavoidable void, constant reminders everywhere, all the time. That person you loved is missing. Theyíre missing from your home, from holidays and birthdays, and from every other day. You miss their voice, their laugh and their dumb jokes. Sights, sounds and smells bring memories flooding into your mind. The anniversary of their date of death is a dreaded day that comes every year.

Does it get better? Yes, it has to. We still need to keep living; our lives canít end because theirs did. We still have the others in our lives that we love and love us and depend on us. In time we must take steps to learn to live and still be productive in spite of that void. We may lean on our faith, counseling or medical therapy, or other friends and family.

So is death unfair? Yeah, it sure feels that way. Is it OK to feel this way? It sure is.

Is God unfair? No, heís God, and his ways are not our ways. Heís all-knowing. He loves us.

So in the seven years since Jasonís passing Iíve had a lot more questions than answers, and those questions may never get answered. Iím OK with that.

No one ever said life would be easy.

Published: February 10, 2017
New Article ID: 2017702109973